I am feeling a bit blah today. I can’t exactly pin point why because I think it’s an accumulation of little and big things. In a few months I will be turning 30, my baby will be turning 1, the finances are getting tighter and are praying and seeking Gods provision, my spiritual walk is shaky right now…maybe it’s hormones. Ha-ha, what a copout. I especially cannot stand the weather right now. It’s October and it was 96 degrees at my house yesterday. I have a feeling we won’t see much of fall this year and we’ll jump right into winter. Sucky! Oh, I want to cry. I know all these things are totally circumstantial and I need to let it all go. Only Christ can fully sustain me…just shows my disbelief I suppose and especially my need for Christ. I just want to yell sometimes “Why God! Why do we have to go through these trials? Why do you have to strip us of everything?” of course I know why…because Jesus needs to be our all and material objects will not suffice…because trials help us to grow in our faith and give us perseverance. Lord, help that to be real in my heart and not just words. I confess, my BIG idol is comfort. When I feel comfortable, I feel loved and taken care of. My struggle is feeling content in all circumstances. When we have “0″ in the bank or when we have plenty. I also struggle because I lack joy in all circumstances. I tend to be an optimistic person , but when my world is shaken, I find that I quickly get depressed. Not like I need medication depressed, just overwhelmed with my feelings. During these small relapses, I still preach the gospel to myself and remind myself of Christ’s everlasting love for me, but a piece is still missing because I am lacking the joy that those people get when they lose everything and they still have this glow about them, true joy and peace. I’m a work in progress…that’s what I like to say. Slowly I believe these issues will be worked out…it may take longer than I’d like, but it’s still progress.

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