I often wonder how much I truly give of myself. I know I do not pray as David did and this perplexes me. Why do I find myself to be apathetic or bored at times instead of rejoicing and finding ways to spend with the Lord. If he is my king, my creator, my redeemer, which in fact he is, then shouldn’t I desire to spend every waking minute getting to know him? I know I can be hard on myself and that is another good reason why I love this scripture. “Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.” Yes, I am a sinner! I admit it! However, I can rest in knowing that HE will instruct me in HIS ways and in the way chosen for ME. This takes such a burden off of me because as I continue to trust in God’s will, I start seeing his plan unfolding rather than my own destructive ones and I am draw to them. I no longer have to try to be perfect in my own ways, but instead I have this amazing mentor who will teach me in his ways, who will love and forgive me through my strengths and weaknesses and will continue to guide my steps until I am reunited with him in heaven.
Understanding God in his true form is not for all, but we are all made in the image of God. It does state in scripture that many will perish and few will be saved, but I say to you, if you feel God calling you to him, don’t fight it. Knowing your true God is not embarrassing, degrading or meaningless, but instead you will find peace, understanding, love, joy and fulfillment in your life.
I remember when I first heard God’s call. I was so broken. I felt such a void and wondered what my purpose in life was. Why did I exist? Why am I here? Why did I have to go through those traumatic experiences? Many of us go through that stage in life, but few actually take the time to analyze those feelings or thoughts. I remember my breaking point and asking God to save me from my life, my despair, my loneliness and that I wanted to know him and that I knew he could save me from my pain. Any other day I would have said I had a nervous breakdown, but on this day I knew my life was going to change and as I was completely humbled and brought to my knees God had mercy on me. He brought me out of the darkness and into the light. When I left my room, I knew my life was going to be different. I wasn’t sure what that would be, but I found peace in the unknown.
Let me clarify something, don’t think that just because you become Christian everything becomes peachy keen afterwards. I’m still repenting and working through issues, but God is never ceasing when he comes to changing and molding my heart. There are many good days, but there are also many days filled with trials and unfortunate events that will inevitably happen. I am learning though as my heart changes that it is less and less about what I bring to the table and more and more of what Christ has done and continues to do. Many people fall into the trap of good works means salvation, but they tend to look at the gospel with the wrong lens. If we do good works it should only be because of our gratitude for Christ and should never be based on us being happy or getting something in return. This totally goes against the thought of “I’m a good person” and so I do “good things” mentality and that’s what distinguishes a Christian from the everyday person. The difference is what comes from the heart and turns into action rather than an obligation or chore to accomplish.
Okay, that’s all the rambling I can come up with today. I apologize if my writing made no sense at all, but then again I don’t think anyone reads my blog anyway so it doesn’t matter.
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